Our Ordinary Days

Be Encouraged

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word."      2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Test

Zachary has an anxiety disorder.  He worries a lot.  He is in a constant state of stress.

One of his anxieties is school.  Namely, failing school.  Last year he was always afraid of failing 2nd grade.  This year he is terrified of failing 3rd grade.

While all of his grades are currently passing, there is a big test that looms over the heads of all students in Texas' public schools.  The TAKS test.  3rd graders are required to pass TAKS, or they are retained in 3rd grade.  And Zach is scared of it.

The TAKS test doesn't take place until March or April, but today the students are taking a practice test.  As should be the case, this practice test is taken quite seriously.  It gives teachers, students, parents, and administration a good idea of where the students are in learning the required content.

I know that a speech from the teacher to reiterate the importance of the tests is sometimes in order for a class filled with clowns or goof-offs.  I know that since the test is of utmost importance to the teacher, the school, and the district, they feel the need to remind the students that their lives depend on their passing TAKS.

But I also know that a child like Zachary-- who is already miserably dreading TAKS, who is already convinced that he is going to fail, who already takes the test very seriously as if his life did literally depend on it--  does not need a reminder of its importance.  And in fact, a reminder of its importance may have quite a negative effect on the results of his test taking.

Zachary came home from school yesterday and announced, "Tomorrow is the day I find out if I failed 3rd grade."

Wow!  How's that for pressure??

How frustrating to be trying so hard at home to get Zach's anxieties under control only to be thrown this huge wrench of anxiety from school.  Ugh!

Remembering that today's test is actually just a practice test, I tried to convince him that this wasn't THE test.  But he wouldn't be convinced.  But thankfully he didn't mention the test much more before bed.

But then at 1:00AM, he came running to my room, crying.  "I'm going to fail 3rd grade!  I don't want to fail 3rd grade!"

I, of course, told him he wasn't going to fail . . . that we don't have to worry about that because he's going to do his best . . . that he is not going to fail 3rd grade.

He quieted down and got into bed with me.  We snuggled up close and tight just like he likes.  His little body fidgeted, writhed, and jerked as it so often does when he tries to go to sleep -- his anxious little body fighting him while he tries to relax.  Every few moments his sleepy, sad voice would say that he was going to fail.  I realized that his anxieties were speaking loud and clear in his little mind, convincing him that he would, indeed, fail.

It was then that I got the idea of whispering to him a different phrase, hoping it would drown out the whispers that were haunting him.  I wasn't sure how he would respond to my whispering.  I thought maybe he would tell me to stop and get frustrated.  But as I watched his little body jerk nervously and listened to his whimpers, I decided to take the chance.

While we cuddled, I placed my hand on his face -- a tactic which has had a calming effect on him since he was an infant -- and got my lips up close to his ear.

"You are smart and you will pass," I whispered so gently.  "You are smart and you will pass.  You are smart and you will pass," I repeated.

He did not tell me to stop.  And after a minute or so, his writhing slowed and his body relaxed just a bit.  My words were working.

"You are smart and you will pass," I repeated with each breath.  And I prayed as I spoke that my words would penetrate his mind and heart until he believed it.

For 10 minutes or more, I whispered the sentence in his ear.  When he got a little fidgety, I thought maybe he had heard enough so I stopped speaking.

But he immediately whispered sleepily, "Do more of that."

So I continued for quite a while, even after his body had relaxed into sleep.  While he snored, I whispered, "You are smart and you will pass.  You are smart and you will pass.  You are smart and you will pass."

He woke again later in the night and whimpered a little bit.  Then he snuggled up close and requested, "Do more of that."  So I whispered again, "You are smart and you will pass.  You are smart and you will pass."

This morning he didn't want to go to school.  "I'm going to fail 3rd grade today," he said.

But big brother came to the rescue!  Elliot was able to convince him that today's test was not the real thing so Zach went off to school feeling okay.

I pray like crazy that he passes today's test!

And I pray that as he sat in the quiet classroom taking his test today, that Zachary heard my whispered words in his ear:  "You are smart and you will pass.  You are smart and you will pass."

New Year's Hope

New Year's Eve, Paul had to work so Zippy slept in Paul's spot in the bed beside me -- a privilege the boys often fight over.  (And Mom loves it, knowing that in a few short years they won't want to sleep with me anymore.)  Zippy and I did not stay up to welcome the new year.  Instead, we went to bed around 10 and cuddled up close so we could sharemy new electric blanket.

Just about the time I thought he'd be asleep, he spoke in a sleepy little voice, "I can't believe tomorrow is 2010."

"Me either," I whispered back.

"I can't wait," he said in his groggy, slurred voice.

"Me either," I whispered back, smiling.

And then his next words came in the same groggy slur but were delivered with such authority and truth that I almost sat right up in bed.  "It's gonna be a really good year, Mama."

I seriously missed a breath or two while those words repeated in my mind.  It was weird and surprising how it struck me.  I felt like it was a message -- a promise, even -- from God.  I silently thanked God for it.  And as I listened to Zippy's little snore beside me, I claimed that statement for my family for this year.

"It's gonna be a really good year!"

The Weed

Here is a little story from several years ago.  It is a sweet story with an amazingly sweet message that has encouraged me from time to time over the years:

Elliot ran in from playing outside and presented me with flowers.  Tiny little delicate flowers on one rather thick and hairy-looking stem with a large root system attached.

"Ahhh!  They're beautiful.  Thank you!" I said while I found the perfect bud vase to display my gift proudly on the kitchen counter.

"They're weeds from the yard," he explained as he turned to run back outside.

The pronouncement of "weeds" deflated my happiness a bit, but I still smiled, admiring the beauty of my gift.

Later when Paul saw the flowers he laughed.  "Did Elliot tell you about those flowers?"

"No.  He just said, 'Here's some pretty flowers I picked for you.'" I retold, choosing not to call them weeds.

Then Paul told me the story of what happened in the front yard.  The boys were playing in the front yard while Paul trimmed a bush in the flower bed.  Elliot spotted some beautiful flowers in the yard, dropped to his knees to inspect them more closely, and called out, "Daddy, come look at these pretty flowers in our yard!"

Paul glanced over, saw the weed that had invaded his yard, and announced that it was a weed.  "And this is what we do to yucky weeds," Paul said as he triumphantly yanked it -flowers, stem, and roots from the ground.  Proudly, he held the defeated weed out to Elliot.

But Paul quickly noticed Elliot's gaping mouth, unbelieving eyes, and sad heart.  Paul, Weed Hunter Destroyer, at once melted into Daddy, Counselor Comforter, who knew he had unknowingly, unintentionally smashed his six-year-old son's joy and excitement.

Changing his tone, Paul acknowledged the pretty flowers and suggested presenting the bouquet to Mommy.

Later, looking at the flowers and remembering their story, I thought about how often similar things happen to us in our relationship with God.  We have something that we are proud of to present to Him, and someone -- friend, foe, or the Enemy -- steps in, calls it ugly, calls it a weed, labels it insufficient, and calls us unworthy.  Or maybe someone else presents something bigger or prettier or more delicate.  Then we receive those names and labels and are ashamed of our gift we have presented.  Ashamed of our offering and of our effort.  There's no joy or happiness or fun in giving an ugly weed as a gift.

But God sees the beauty.  He sees the flowers, the delicate flowers.  And it seems He doesn't even notice the big hairy stem or the ugly roots.  He's thrilled with what I've given.  He sees the effort and is pleased.  He puts it proudly on display and periodically leans over to smell the delicate flowers.

A Nugget

Give yourself permission to say NO to some things

so that you save your time, energy, and emotion

to do the things that only you can do!

Nope, not a chicken nugget.  A nugget of wisdom.  A nugget of wisdom whose truth screams to me sometimes but seems really difficult to follow most of the time.

I attended a seminar for parents of children with special needs a year or so ago.  I left the seminar with this nugget that I think about all the time.  Eventually perhaps I will weigh every decision and every commitment with the criteria from this nugget.  But for now, I oftentimes say, "Yes!" or make a commitment without considering the wisdom found in the nugget.

When I make commitments without weighing them completely or when a situation changes at home but the commitment remains, I go through seasons of being overwhelmed with life.  That's where I am right now.  A bit overwhelmed.  It's not huge or terrible.  I go through it now and then -- being overwhelmed for a week or two.  But then my emotions and nerves calm, and I return to my usual happy self!  :)

Give yourself permission to say NO to some things

so that you save your time, energy, and emotion

to do the things that only you can do!

But I considered the nugget yesterday and said NO to two things that I wanted to do.  I knew I couldn't do them in our present state.  I knew that I needed to say NO to those two things so that I could save my time, energy, and emotion to do the things that only I can do.

What can only I do?  Love, nurture, and discipline my precious, out-of-control son.  Care for and nurture and connect with my sweet 7-year-old daughter who is a bit testy these days.  And work hard bringing some sort of peace to our household for Elliot and for Paul in the midst of all of it.  Those are things that I must do.  So I said No to two things -- to two things that someone else can probably do.

I very much wanted to help my friend yesterday.  I wanted to say YES and step in and help her day go more smoothly.  But I knew I had to say NO this time.

I very much wanted to take the family to meet up with our extended family on Friday evening to start our Christmas festivities with them.  But I knew I had to say NO this time.  (Actually on this one I just had to postpone a day.)

So "Yea, Me!"  I said NO!  I used wisdom and restraint!  Little victories.  :)

And you know what?  My friend completely understood and respected my decision.  And my family was totally supportive and encouraged me to do whatever I need to do.

Give yourself permission to say NO to some things

so that you save your time, energy, and emotion

to do the things that only you can do!

Do you need this nugget today??

Giving Gifts

We had a Christmas gathering with friends last night.  We had a wonderful time eating tons of yummy food, singing Christmas carols, and celebrating Advent together.

The children all participated in a Beanie Baby gift exchange.  We love this tradition with the children.  No one spends money on this one.  We all go digging in our homes in search of Beanie Baby-type toys that are in good shape.  We wrap one per child, and then the children exchange them at our party.  Fun!

Chloe opened a pink teddy bear in the gift exchange.  She immediately loved it and hugged it and made it roar.  It is a blessing to see such a thankful heart in her.  Then for the next half hour, she enjoyed putting the bear back in the gift bag, covering it up with the tissue paper, and pulling it back out for hugs.  Over and over, she relived the excitement of receiving and opening the Christmas gift.

Then on the way home from the party, Chloe wrapped the bear up in the tissue paper and gave it to me to open.  And she did it again and again and again.  Each time, I reacted with surprise and thankfulness.  She wrapped it up and gave it to Elliot who also acted surprised and grateful.  Then it was Zippy's turn to receive the pink bear wrapped in tissue.  He, too, was excited and surprised when he opened it.  So went the gift-giving game all evening.

It was so cute to see Chloe play the giving gifts game.  It is such a common game for kids to play.  Usually children love to play that game when they are quite a bit younger than Chloe is.  They play it as they learn and experience gift-giving.

I remember my oldest nephew playing the game when he was around 4 years old.  His take on the game was to wrap up things that belonged to him and give them to people.  And he expected us to keep the gifts!  I remember being so torn with how to respond.  I wanted to honor his giving spirit, but I didn't want to keep his gifts.  Besides that, I really didn't have a need for a picture book or a Matchbox car.  What a giving heart!

It is such a cute, sweet game, and it is such a joy to play the game with Chloe.

She played the game again this morning before school, giving to me and to Elliot and to Zach.  And the toy she chose to take with her on the bus this morning:  the pink bear and a piece of tissue paper.  I have a feeling the bus drivers will receive lots of gifts from her during that 20 minute ride to school!

Heaven's Very Special Child

First, let me say that I am NOT a daily reader of Dear Abby.  Not that there would be anything wrong with being a daily reader.  To be sure, the woman shares lots of knowledge and wisdom each day to lots of loyal readers.  I'm just not one of them usually.

But I happened to see her headline in today's paper and stopped to read it.  It is a poem.  It is a very sweet poem.  It's a poem about a little girl with special needs and about the care that the angels and God take to place that little girl in just the right home with just the right parents.

As I share this poem today, I would like to broaden it to include the other people who are a part of the little girl's life -- of MY little girl's life.  Surely the other roles are of upmost importance!  Don't underestimate YOUR role in the life of a special child-- teacher, friend, uncle, aunt, cousin, neighbor, therapist, bus driver, church nursery worker, nurse, doctor, mentor, grandma, grandpa.  This poem is really for all of you!

"Heaven's Very Special Child"

by Edna Massimilla  (mother of a daughter with Ds)

A meeting was held quite far from Earth.

It was time again for another birth.

Said the Angels to the Lord above --

"This child will need much love.

Her progress may be very slow,

Accomplishment she may not show.

And she'll require extra care

From the folks she meets down there.

She may not run or laugh or play,

Her thoughts may seem quite far away.

So many times she will be labeled

'different,'  'helpless,'  and 'disabled.'

So let's be careful where she's sent.

We want her life to be content.

Please, Lord, find the parents who

Will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away

The leading role they are asked to play.

But with this child sent from above

Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

And soon they'll know the privilege given

In caring for their gift from heaven.

Their precious charge, so meek and mild

Is heaven's very special child."

Let The Waters Rise

I heard this song for the first time this week.  It is powerful!  

I know many people who are in crises of all different kinds. . . .  

No matter what raging sea you are facing today, God is in reach!  He is with you always!  And He's right there in the middle of your storm with you!  Let this song encourage you:  

Don’t know where to begin 

It’s like my world’s caving in 

And I tried but i can’t control my fear 

Where do I go from here

 

Sometimes it’s so hard to pray 

You feel so far away 

I am willing to go where You want me to 

God I trust You

[Chorus] 

There’s a raging sea Right in front of me 

Wants to pull me in Bring me to my knee 

So let the waters rise If you want them to

 I will follow You

 I will follow You 

I will follow You

I will swim in the deep Cuz You’ll be next to me

 You’re in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea 

You’re never out of reach

God You know where I’ve been You were there with me then 

You were faithful before You’ll be faithful again 

I’m holding Your hand

[Chorus]

God Your love is enough You will pull me through I’m holding on to You

God your love is enough 

I will follow You 

I will follow You